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Francine Caitlyn Chye
a.k.a. Hurricaine Fran
a.k.a. Fran the PCD
a.k.a. the happy bunny :D
<3
040889 (August baby!)
Crescent, ACJC, hocker
xoxo
If it's meant to be, it'll be(:
"And sometimes good things fall apart
so better things can fall together"
don't think, just run
Saturday, May 20, 2006
What Luds said on her blog really got me thinking.. If the tables were turned and we had got in and SA has lost, wouldn't they be feeling down in the dumps too? Wouldn't they wanna swear and curse, wouldn't they feel cheated, pained and empty? Wouldn't they need an outlet for there anger and also, wouldn't their anger be somewhat directly, even merely indirectly, at us because obviously had it not been for that one last match against us, they would've made it? Well, in all honestly, I have nothing against SA-i know like half the first team!-but it still hurts a lot a lot a lot. There hasn't been a day when my mind would drift into a certain unbearable misery whereby moments on the pitch in various matches would flicker before my very eyes and nothing seems to be able to make me get over it.. I know that it dependant solely on myself, with the aid of time. So i don't think it's fair that SA Hockers are judging us by our hurt and pain of loss-like it's been said, no one likes losing. Especially a chance and opportunity that meant the world to us. It's unfair that people who know nothing about us, and more so, nothing about how we're feeling at this point of time,can simply assume that we're being unreasonable and use that as a basis of judgement. It's not fair that one's personal relationship with God can be mocked by passers-by who only can TRY to imagine the depths of our pain. So yeah. That's what i was thinking about. A war should not have existed because i don't think there was good enough reason for it in the first place. What happened on the pitch should have stayed on the pitch.
Some days are easier to cope with than others. Sometimes i feel like i'm alone in this, though i know i'm not. Still, why is it taking so long for me to move on?? It's ridiculous and i feel so stupid at times when my eyes tear, my heart breaks and i feel myself breaking again. It truly, truly sucks and i'm at wits ends with myself. But i guess it's good in a way. As a driving force for the next year. Because really, i haven't wanted anything so badly in my life.
I feel lost and alone and i think i'm a little too independant. I know i'm pushing you away, but you have to understand that it's simply cos i think you want too much from me that i can and are willing to give. You don't know how painful those months of waiting were. You seem to be able to have let go and moved on, then come and back and expect everything to be the same again. How do you think i feel when you hurt? I hurt too. But just as sometimes it's easier to escape via sleep, i hide too. I procrastinate and escape and it's not that i'mconsciously hiding things from you, it's just that i don't think of telling you. Why? Well, i was forced to be independant for so, so long and suddenly your demands for my dependance are not only overwhelming me completely but it's really difficult. I don't wanna get hurt again. I can't do it. And i'm sorry if i've let you down, but just think about me sometimes okay? For something that's supposed to make one smile, i've been frowning an awful lot.
whisk me away on a soma holiday or two, because i don't wanna have to face the realities of it all.
-my hands are tied, my eyes are tired.
ex-oh, ex-oh
7:40 PM
